


There's No Creeps, There's No Good Guys

by SkeletalSasquatch



Category: Hatchetfield Universe - Team StarKid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Crack Treated Seriously, Enemies to Lovers, Hero and Villain romance, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, comedic super villains, dumb superhero names, emma and henry live together, henry has a nice ass, henry is a meme in hatchetfield, is ted a decent person? sure, mean hero and nice villain, no braincells to be found, raging mental illness, thats just canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29412795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletalSasquatch/pseuds/SkeletalSasquatch
Summary: Ted is a reluctant superhero.Henry is a dramatic "supervillain" who isn't taken seriously.Ted and Henry are rivals, plain and simple.Nothing more.Right?
Relationships: Charlotte/Melissa (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Deb/Alice Woodward, Henry Hidgens/Ted Spankoffski, Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins
Kudos: 6





	There's No Creeps, There's No Good Guys

**Author's Note:**

> HEY i saw that tedgens needed some more fics so I wrote this B)
> 
> queer-coded supervillain rights !!

_“Good morning Hatchetfield, and welcome to everyone’s favorite news segment; The Daily Hero Report!”_

Emma sighed heavily and looked over at Henry sympathetically. 

“Do you want me to change it?”

“No, I need to see what they’re planning.”

“Hidge, they’re not planning anything. Quit being paranoid.”

Henry huffed quietly and unwrapped the muffin Emma brought him. He stared daggers at the screen, glaring at the man on the TV who couldn’t see him. He ranted madly in his head, completely silent except for the small noises his mouth made as he ate the muffin. It was pretty hard to be angry while eating a blueberry muffin, but he was trying. 

__

“Just the other night, a fight occurred downtown between the villain Double-Up and PEIP hero, Shockbolt. Double-Up is a member of the self-proclaimed ‘super villain coalition’ called The Hive, headed by Hatchetfield’s best meme, Apotheosis-”

__

Emma stifled a laugh as silently as possible as a dumb (but, admittedly hilarious) series of memes from Twitter appeared on screen.

“That’s not funny!” Henry interjected, turning to Emma.

“It kind of is.” Emma shrugged, taking a sip from her portable coffee mug. The news continued in the background as Emma amusedly sipped her coffee and Henry angrily at his muffin. 

Henry was a bit tired of the citizens of Hatchetfield making fun of him all of the time. He was a supervillain! He was supposed to be feared, respectively, distantly admired. But no, he was endlessly mocked because he was theatrical. At least he was enjoying himself, as Emma would tell him. But it didn’t make it hurt any less. PEIP didn’t even take him seriously. They never sent heroes like Beacon or Placebo to confront him, it was always the backburner heroes. He was a test dummy for their new recruits, a punching bag for bored B-listers. He wasn’t considered a threat. Henry didn’t even have a nemesis. 

Well, he could consider Shockbolt his nemesis. He was the only hero who was ever consistently told to deal with him, and he’d been carrying on a back and forth with him for quite a while. Although they’d never met in person, Henry could say that he knew Shockbolt pretty well. Henry mostly sent his villains to fight Shockbolt to create some kind of mystery, but he was starting to think that he should confront Shockbolt in person. 

Henry, with his superior deductive reasoning skills, had found out Shockbolt’s real name, as well as the rest of PEIP. He didn’t quite expect Shockbolt to be named Ted, but he wasn’t really hung up on it. After all, Emma would always make fun of him for having a funny last name, which wasn’t wrong. 

“Emma?” Henry asked hesitantly.

“Yeah?” Emma returned through a mouthful of cinnamon bun.

“Do you think I could handle Shockbolt myself tonight?”

“Yeah, definitely. Actually, that’d be pretty nice. I’m really tired and I wanna go to bed early.”

“I’ve never met him, you know.” Henry said nervously (and completely unprompted).

“I have. Not really worth it.”

“Do you have some sort of issue with him?”

“Not really, he’s just an asshole. I honestly don’t know how he got involved with PEIP. I wouldn’t pin it as his type of thing.”

Henry nodded, crumpling up the muffin wrapper and stuffing it in his jacket pocket. He had some planning to do.

“I’m off to my lab.”

Emma snorted, “It’s not a lab, it’s an office.”

“It’s my lab.” Henry repeated, already out of the room

“Whatever.” 

The bitter taste of shitty black coffee was an unwelcome visitor to Ted’s mouth as he stared at his computer screen. He didn’t have anything to do, John was just giving him busy work at this point, plus he was still exhausted from last night’s fight. Hell, you try fighting a person who can clone themself, he thought as he opened a new tab on his laptop. YouTube, why the hell not? It’s not like he’s doing anything anyways. 

“Shockbolt, now’s not the time.”

Ted spun around in his chair, rolling his eyes. “There’s literally nothing to do, I’m bored off my ass. And, for the love of god, call me Ted. We’re not in public or whatever.”

“Still a formality, son. There’s never a dull moment at PEIP, you can find something to do. The very fate of Hatchetfield depends on it.”

“Jesus Christ, quit the theatrics. Shit, remind me how you convinced me to join your little thing again?”

“For the greater good.”

“Greater good, my ass. How much are you paying me?” 

“Ninety-five thousand dollar per year salary.” John cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. 

“Yeah, that’s why. If I could find another job that paid that much, I’d be there.” Ted stated bluntly. 

“But you couldn’t, that’s why you’re with us.” John put a strong, fatherly hand on Ted’s shoulder, “And you are a valued asset of our team.”

“Yeah, sure.” Ted scoffed, watching John walk off.

He opened YouTube up once again, clicking on his most recent search term. 

“Zodiac killer documentary”

Yeah, sure, it was a weird thing to be interested in, but Ted was a weird guy. Why not rewatch “Hunting The Zodiac Killer” for the millionth time, right? He settled back in his chair, pushing his empty coffee cup into the trash can. 

“Ted, you should come see this.” Paul called out from across the room, gesturing for Ted to come over towards him. Ted sighed heavily and walked over to Paul’s desk.

“What’s the issue- oh dear god, no.” He cringed at the screen, a video message from Apotheosis. 

“Yeah, him again.” Paul mumbled.

“Why won’t he give up? He keeps getting his ass ground into the pavement, day after day, and he just won’t quit.”

“He has to be planning something. There’s no way someone could just keep picking fights like that. It’s like he’s got some kind of strategy.”

“Like a crouching moron, hidden badass situation?” 

“Maybe.” Paul shrugged and pressed play on the video. Ted leaned down slightly as a voice came over the laptop.

_“Hello PEIP, this is a message from The Hive, and I, Apotheosis.”_

Ted barked out a laugh.

_“I’m speaking directly to the hero known as Shockbolt when I relay this message, so listen closely; You’d be foolish to underestimate my resolve. I have concocted a new plan that I will carry out myself at exactly five o’clock in the evening at the downtown Starlight Theater. This is it, Shockbolt. You versus me, man to man, face to face. Prepare yourself for a devastating defeat. Apotheosis, signing off.”_

By the end, Paul and Ted were laughing hysterically. 

“Shit, who does this guy think he is, fucking Megamind?” 

Ted’s gut hurt slightly from the force of his laughter. He just couldn’t take this asshole seriously. He was talking like a fucking disney villain, it was ridiculous. 

But, come to think of it, he’d never met Apotheosis. It never occurred to him until that moment, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it now. What did Apotheosis even look like? What could he do with his powers? How did he drink his coffee? It’s important to Ted. Ted might be able to respect him if he drinks coffee black. 

Five o’clock can’t come soon enough, Ted thinks.


End file.
